Most of us are competent, controlled drivers. Some of us aren't. As a rule, we find the most amusing driving stories come from those we have sworn never to ride with.
"My court date is February 19th"
This was Jeremy Ramont's reply when asked by a fellow member of the organization how Penn Bowl 007 was. Apparently, the Virginia State Police seem to frown upon drivers going 85 miles an hour on Interstate 81. The officer was even less amused at the fact that there were 12 other people in the van, and it was really late at night. Several jokes were suggested to lift the officer's spirits, but Jeremy decided to play it safe and just to suck up to him. This reckless driving charge prompted Virginia Tech B to go to NAQT Sectionals under the pseudonyms 85/65, 90/55 (Jody, of course), 80/55 (Jeremy Rotter), and 100/65 (Jeff, who felt left out because he hasn't ever gotten a speeding ticket). Several teams at the tournament felt that those were our blood pressures.
Editor's note: My blood pressure was a lot higher than 90/55 when Jody got his reckless driving ticket with me in the vehicle.
"Ask J.P. how the driving went."
Jeremy Ramont's comment to the VT-ACO members assembled at Pizza Hut for lunch during the trip up to Penn Bowl 8. J.P. answered by waving his copies of the two traffic tickets he had recieved on I-81. The first of which read "Reckless Driving by Speed 83/65" and the second "No Registration Card in Possession." This marks the second consecutive year a club member has recieved a reckless driving ticket while driving to or from Penn Bowl.
"I can squeeze this puppy through anything!"
Roger Craig's boast to the occupants of the 12 person van he was sliding at an angle between 2 or 3 luxury (they looked luxurious!) cars in the $7 parking lot near DRL. This was the companion van to the one in which J.P. got his tickets. His swashbucking was accompanied by many a gasp or clenched fist. Moments earlier, Rog, who takes pride in his needlelike threading ability, had asked the lot attendant if he admired the way he had slid the van through two very narrow cones. The attendant held Roger in high regard.
"Where the hell are we?!?"
Very sanitized version of Ed Schreiner's question to Roger Craig as he realized that we were not getting close to the New Jersey Turnpike. We were attempting to return home from the Boston summer tournament weekend, and discovered that beyond the Turnpike exit, Interstate 287 becomes Route 440 and goes to Staten Island. We realized where we were with just enough time to take the last exit before the bridge. This "improved" our situation, as we avoided the $4 toll by going through what was probably the worst corner of Jersey. It could always have been worse, of course -- we could have ended up on the Cross-Bronx Expressway (thanks for the thought, J.P.). We were, however, able to make our way back to the NJ Turnpike without further incident.
Car Talk
noun. 1. Weekly NPR show featuring Tom and Ray Magliozzi of Cambridge, Massachusetts, who somehow manage to dispense good automotive advice while generally making fools of themselves and those who call into their show with car troubles.
2. Ritual activity in which half a van-full of quiz-bowlers shout out questions to each other on such topics as Baroque artists, the dynasties of China, and the monarchs of Valois France, while the other half of the members try as hard as they can to change the subject to movies, 80's music, or other such fluff. The practice was introduced into the culture of VT-ACO after the team of Jason, Dennis, Eliot, and Roger, attending 1998 COTKU, found that in almost every round there was at least one question which directly related to the something that had been said in the conversation in the car on the way to Chattanooga the night before. Since then, Eliot hasn't attended a single tournament without bringing along his stack of title lists and history books, as well as the trusty reading aid that Roger, in a moment of pique, once referred to as "your damn light". This quote shows that even the most hard-core among us can sometimes grow weary of car-talk, especially when one player imprudently tries to extend the practice of asking questions to the homeward van ride. In the absence of agreement on any other issue, nearly all VT-ACO members seem to agree on one tenet: post-tournament car talk is the proverbial 'third rail' of academic competition.
Jody Driving
Term for driving unsafely and at incredible (or insane) speeds, named for Jody Neel. The term first came into use when Tech went to Hampden-Sydney's 1995 tournament; Jody drove at an average of 95 m.p.h. over icy roads. Other notable driving incidents with Jody included averaging 105-110 m.p.h. on the freeway from Tech when going to UVA, including hitting a maximum speed of 130 m.p.h. down the back stretch of a hill.
90/55
The listing on Jody's ticket, which he received when Tech was travelling to Hampden-Sydney's 1996 tournament. Translated, it means he was clocked at 90 in a 55 zone. This was after he had slammed on the brakes. Had he been clocked at full speed, he may have been booked for Assault With a Deadly Weapon instead of just Reckless. (doubling the speed limit or 55 over leads to the assault charge) On the bright side, he got the buzzers we left at the tournament when he went back for his court date.
Navigation
1. The science of locating the position and plotting the course of ships and aircraft. 2. The function of the person riding shotgun on car trips into unfamiliar territory, especially the person in the lead car when the school requires 3-4 cars, which involves reading a map and directing the driver. Theoretically, this allows the driver to concentrate on driving instead of squinting at road signs in an unfamiliar town at 12:45 am. In practice, however, this works out rather poorly, especially with our Fearless Leader, Jason, in the lead. Fortunately, all of us were able to back the 100 yards down the off-ramp, which Jason had mistaken for the on-ramp, without problem.
How to get around the VT-ACO way and have fun, avoid the ridicule of your fellow team members, and maybe actually live through the trip:
DO drive at least 15 mph over the speed limit at all times.DON'T hit a cop car while doing this.
DO cut off your fellow team members and engage in mock driving duels.
DON'T hit the concrete pylons while doing this.
DO go around cloverleaf ramps fast enough that everybody in the back is plastered against one door.
DON'T leave the door unlocked when doing this.
DO engage in conversation with your travelling companions.
DON'T miss yet another exit, to end up on Staten Island during a trip from Boston to Delaware.
DO pass any and all 18-wheelers on the road
DON'T pass them at a 30 mph speed differential.
DO drive smoothly so tired team members can sleep at 2 am.
DON'T get caught going 85/65 so the flashing blue lights wake everybody up.
DO tailgate your teammates' cars.
DON'T rear-end your teammates' cars.
DO drive through the scenic lookouts to admire the view of the valley.
DON'T be driving 85 through the lookout while doing this.
DO maintain a safe distance between the vehicle and the line on the left side of the traffic lane.
DON'T take out other vehicles, parked cars, pedestrians, or small animals with the right side of the vehicle.
DO be smart ringing in at tournaments.
DON'T be smart to the cop that pulls you over.
DO enjoy the scenery on your trip.
DON'T exclaim "G*d D*mmit! That's where it is!" when driving past a large building with the words "EXOTIC SHOWBAR" painted on the side in 20 foot high letters.
DO buy lots of candy and chips.
DON'T let Jody consume the entire 5-pound package of sugar he bought.
DO listen to music to keep yourself sane on the ride home.
DON'T sing that music and drive everyone else insane.
Contributions by Dennis Loo, Jeremy Rotter and several other parties who wish to remain anonymous.